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Those who reject two millennia of teaching on homoeroticism and marriage are embracing heresy. Every year heretical theologians in many denominations e. Robert A. In November, Rev. Since Rev. And should they be permitted to be camp counselors for girls? Those who confront heretical church leaders like Rev. X will be accused of undermining unity and promoting schism.

During those painful moments of division and strife, they should remember that unity never trumps truth. Scripture teaches us to attack divisiveness with discipline. Divisiveness and heresy need to be addressed in local congregations every bit as much as adultery and embezzlement do. We are not doing the same thing he is doing…. When we have arrived there, it will have been because we have rejected various winds of doctrine, the sleight of mind, and the cunning craftiness of false teachers Eph. And we do so while speaking the truth in love Eph. Identifying and rejecting the liars, the divisive, the sectarians, and the schismatics is therefore the path to catholicity.

It is not part of the harvest—it is removing rocks from the fields during the plowing and planting. X is not really advocating for tolerance, inclusivity, or diversity. He is sowing the seeds of heresy in his church and denomination. He is incrementally leading his flock astray. If he believes homoerotic activity and same-sex unions can be holy and pleasing to God, it makes no rational or moral sense for him to long tolerate the belief that homoerotic unions are intrinsically and profoundly wicked. What Rev. X is now teaching will harm in incalculable ways the temporal and eternal lives of those whom he seeks to welcome by calling sin holy.

His teaching will harm children and families. And his teaching will harm the Christian witness. Join IFI at our Feb. When a man hears the concerns and requests of his wife and truly knows how she thinks, even if he does not act as she would like after hearing her this helps to build unity in the marriage.

Also, when a husband knows his wife he knows her passions and her interests. As long as those her interests do not conflict with her primary duties as a wife, mother and keeper of the home he should encourage her in these things. For example, maybe his wife likes to paint or to sing in church. Perhaps she has a desire to run in home daycare. None of these things would automatically contradict with her primary duties as a wife, mother and keeper of the home. However if a woman has a passion to be a mega news giant superstar and wants her husband to stay at home and take care of the home and kids like Fox News star Meghan Kelly for example her passions and ambitions are at direct odds with the role for which God designed her.

This is by definition an example of selfish ambition on the part of a woman.

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Not only in spiritual matters, but in all matters of life a wife is to learn how her husband thinks and what makes him tick. A wife knowing how her husband thinks is critical to building the unity God desires for marriage between a man and his wife. The inevitable result of a woman getting to know how her husband thinks is that she will discover ways that he thinks that she disagrees with.

Now a woman has two choices when she realizes these differences.

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God calls women to do the latter and submit even when they disagree with their husbands. As long as a husband does not directly ask his wife to sin she must submit to him everything. In the previous step, we discussed that in order to maintain the unity in marriage that God desires for couples to have a wife must submit to her husband especially when she disagrees with him. But this does not mean that wives are forbidden from sharing any wisdom they have with their husbands.

But the attitude and method in which a woman shares her wisdom with her husband is very important. The Bible warns against wives being contentious with their husbands:. Even if the words of a wife to her husband are wise, if they are delivered in a contentious or angry manner to her husband they will lose their intended effect and will cause the unity in the marriage to decline rapidly. Also, a woman should always understand the position from which she offers advice. The Bible tells us that a wife should be a crown to her husband. What is a crown?

A crown brings glory and honor to its recipient. She is to be his greatest cheerleader and supporter. The unfortunate truth is that many wives today are more of a dunce cap than a crown to their husband. Just as a wife being contentious with her husband breaks the unity of the marriage so too a wife failing to honor her husband for the man that he is will quickly break the unity of the marriage. But there is another interesting aspect of a crown — especially that of a king. It was very common in ancient times that when a King conquered another land he would take the crown of the conquered King and put it on his head to show his ownership and authority over his newly conquered lands.

But what if a King liked the crown of another ruler and wanted to wear it more often but it did not fit his head well? Perhaps it was two small and would almost fall off his head or maybe it was too large for the diameter of his head and it would slide down in front of his face. So, what would the King do? He would give the crown to his craftsman and have them resize the crown to fit his head perfectly.

Perhaps he would have them add some additional gems and take some gems away that he did not like. In the same way wives need to move beyond mere submission to their husbands in their quest to truly be one flesh with their husbands. Wives need to mold themselves over time more and more to their husbands likes and dislikes and to his various positions on the issues of life. They need to support and understand his passions whether it is his passion for his job, his ministries at church or his hobbies.

This even more just mere submission — will bring the true unity that God desires to the marriage. This does not mean that a wife may ever come to love everything her husband loves or hate everything her husband hates. There are some passions he may have that she will never be able to bring herself to share. But a wife should pray hard each and every day that God would help her to mold herself and fit herself so that in the same way a crown needs to fit the head of the King who wears it — so to a wife needs to fit herself to her husband.

So, when we look at Biblical principles for unity in marriage we see that unity comes from a husband and wife having regular sexual relations, talking to one another and knowing how the other person thinks, the wife submitting to her husband and the wife molding herself to her husband. When we take an honest view of the concept of Biblical unity in marriage, truly becoming one flesh with one another, we see that God places a much greater responsibility for unity on the wife than the husband.

Instead in Ephesians chapter five we are told that marriage is to be a picture of the relationship of Christ and his Church.

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Christ does not submit to his church; his church submits to him. Christ and his Church are not equals — one is subordinate to the other. The point in all this is while a husband bears some responsibility for unity in his marriage as God requires him to know his wife — the bulk of the responsibility for unity in marriage comes from a wife submitting to her husband and then trying over time to mold herself more to her husband.

Does a King change the shape of his head to fit his crown or is the crown shaped to fit the head of the King? We know the answer is that the crown should be made to fit the head that wears it.

If he likes watching certain types of TV shows — try and find some that you cultivate an interest in. You may not be able to cultivate an interest in everything he likes to watch and that is ok. But you should try and find some common ground with him in this area. If you husband likes to play on the church baseball league or he involved in a bowling league — try and cultivate an interest in these things. Support him and be his greatest cheerleader. Maybe your husband is passionate about history or politics. Maybe he is passionate about science or science fiction.

Maybe he is passionate about art, literature or music. Whatever your husband is passionate about — do your best to cultivate a passion for what he is passionate about. But even in these cases you should still support him in his passions and never shame him or nag him for being passionate about these things. In most cases men and women have very different sexual preferences because we approach sex from very different angles.

A wife should cultivate a desire to dress inside and outside the bedroom in a way that pleases her husband. As long as what he is asking to her do inside or outside the bedroom is not sinful she should do it. Ladies this is probably the single greatest way to instill passion in your husband toward you when you truly cultivate and embrace his sexual desires and this will help to truly unite you and your husband.


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It is one thing to know and even submit to what your husband thinks on various doctrinal and philosophical positions. So, what this means practically speaking is that when a couple is first married a wife may have to submit first and understand later. For instance, if your husband is stricter on discipline with the children that you would be if you were leading the family, you need to find a way to not just submit to his methods but truly understand and embrace them. If your husband has different doctrinal beliefs or applications of Scripture than what you were raised with you need to find a way over time to cultivate and appreciation for and fully embrace his positions.

In our culture, today it seems that the greatest sin a person can commit is to not be true to themselves or lose their identity in another. Our identity as a person comes from the combination of our likes, dislikes, passions and beliefs. So, if a person changes their likes, dislikes, passions and beliefs for another person they are said to be giving up who they are or losing their identity and this is wrong in the view of most people in our culture.

If a wife loves to sing in church but her husband cannot sing at all that does not mean she should have to give up singing unless somehow it was causing a conflict in the marriage. However, over time while she may not have to completely give up her identity — it will change if she truly strives for the unity in marriage that God desires. This is similar to how when we become Christians our identity changes, yet we all as Christians are still individuals. We can see in the Gospels 4 very different individuals who wrote those books so we know the Apostles did not lose their identity by becoming Christians.

But they all changed! They started conforming themselves to Christ and there were changes in their identity so they could become more like him. In this same way while a wife may not completely lose her identity in marriage, she certainly should go through big changes in her person over the years as she is married to her husband. If a woman has been married to a man for 10 years and nothing has changed about her likes, dislikes, beliefs, or behaviors I can guarantee you that she is not united with her husband in their marriage as God desires her to be.

I remember years ago, I had a female relative come to me while she was going through a mid-life crisis. What he likes I like, what he dislikes I dislike. Your husband is a good Christian man. Even though he is imperfect like we all are — there is nothing wrong with the way you have molded yourself to him over the decades. What you are listening to is the world telling you that you need to be your own person.

But you need to listen to God who tells you that you need to mold yourself to your husband — keep doing what you have been doing and God will bless you. Stop listening to world.

FAQs and Controversies (incl. Affirmations and Denials)

There is a word that you may have noticed that is missing from all the Biblical advice on unity I have just given. That word is compromise. The world teaches that unity in marriage is all about a man and woman compromising with each other. Like when we choose where we go to dinner that is not necessarily a moral decision. How much is spent on dinner is a moral decision, but whether we have a hamburger or pizza is not.

But I think in most cases what we call compromise on these no moral things is just us being selfless and putting the other person first and that is a good thing. But when it comes to moral decisions, including financial decisions, career decisions, what church is attended, religious beliefs, discipline and teaching of the children, decisions about sex and other things like this there can be no compromise. A husband is always called by God to do what is he believes is right before God.

A husband should hear his wife and know how his wife feels. But knowing how his wife feels and compromising on moral issues with her are two very different things. Worry only about your responsibility for unity as the wife knowing that you bear the greatest burden in making your marriage truly unified by submitting to your husband and molding yourself to him. Sadly you are right. I wish every wife had a good Godly husband to lead her. Like you, I do want to commend the wives in this thread for having the right heart.

Because she is not his spiritual authority, she is not sinning if he does not change his ways, nor can she refuse to submit to him unless he tries to get her to participate or if she allows him to continue harming another by not going to other authorities to stop him. And of course, she still has to generally continue to submit to him in all sinful matters as long as he does not do something that gives her cause for divorce. Alex Either you mis-typed something at the end of your comment, or were wrong as wives are not to submit to their husbands in sinful matters at all Acts , only unsinful ones Ephesians Hey Anna, thanks for inviting me to join in!

I hope your little cutie is doing great and growing well! Taking out the IUD worked! There is something weird about trying to fully embrace your husband and all his thoughts though — even if it's just respecting that "well, we think slightly differently on this…" when she makes that decision to fully embrace him totally as a person which to be honest, hopefully they talked enough BEFORE marriage like Anonymous pointed out above somewhere — meaning … she should have fully embraced him as a person including his beliefs she didn't agree with, as an engaged couple , once she does that, it really does have a weird affect on your mind and heart towards your husband.

I'm sure you've heard of the term "wife goggles" in the manosphere, where a husband doesn't really see his wife as harshly or critically as another man would thinking her face, body, bone structure. They've even kind of proven that husbands seem to have this affect of "wife goggles" when rating their wives appearance versus other women. They're actually "kinder" towards their wives on rating them and they really believe this!

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So it's a little like that when a wife truly fully embrace the man she's marrying, she is hopefully accepting him at what is called "Face Value. But once you've done that and are married, fully embracing him and all his opinions whether they line up with yours or not I think has an effect overtime much like "wife goggles" does for men. For me, it has made me much more attune to take his thoughts or different opinions very seriously, making me reconsider if I'm really looking at everything presented or not. Those things should be worked out in marriage counseling, and if they can't be worked out, you break off the engagement.

A lot of women are terrified of breaking off their engagment though… I've met quite a few that seem to act like this is the only man they'll ever have a chance with — which is a bad place to come to marriage at. There could be a whole post there warning women not to just get married out of fear, but to make sure she knows what her own beliefs really are and what she's willing or not willing to change due to her conscience and convictions. BUT once she's married, I'd firmly stress that she needs to put that aside and like Larry is saying here, she needs to TRY to come to agreement with him.

So I guess the next step for a wife that's still in disagreement over something is just to continue on loving her husband, fully embracing him and becoming one over time, and focusing on accepting her decision to marry him — she may even need to come to a point of realization where she accepts that she made a mistake in not really making sure she agreed with everything before she picked him.

I think really accepting things like that are healthy and keep people sane longterm. She needs to take responsibility that she didn't find out all these critical things before jumping into something so important. That doesn't mean it's something she should divorce over, but accepting her part in picking him without accepting him at face value as an engaged couple, is important for her mental and spiritual growth.

It will help her understand and take responsibility like an adult should, and force her to look at the reality of her future — that the only other option really is a miserable marriage continuing forward, or divorce. Larry mentioned the only advice really in the Bible concerning things like this is for the wife to win her husband over without a word.

The Bride of Christ in Chains

Basically as long as it's not real abuse or adultery involved, fully embracing him as her husband and honoring the promise she made to him will probably help her overtime, especially if she understands this practice of "accepting him at face value" and realizing whether or not she truly did that before marriage. I wish she had done more! Stephanie, Congratulations! Whatever remains far from me and my heart is nothing but hollow flesh, lost in itself. But I do not find it difficult to save such flesh: it puts up no resistance and lets itself in due time be brought into the fold.

Whoever stands closer to me, however, has been initiated into my mystery and, belonging to my Body, perceives the throbbing of my Heart as it resounds throughout the Body's internal vaulting: this person has received the Spirit and is, therefore, awake and able to choose freely. Only he truly knows the meaning of sin. Thus, I am endangered within my own Body; it is within me that my deadly enemy lies in wait.

I have suckled a snake at my breast, a worm that does not die. In this, too, have I become like you: just as temptation rises within you from your own flesh, so, too, does the deepest threat leap up against me from my own flesh. The spirit is willing and strong, but the flesh is weak, and where the spirit borders on the flesh it is vulnerable, having come to terms with weakness. That is a borderline where the spirit has always betrayed itself, giving itself away. For, if the spirit had nothing of flesh, how could it come to form one being with the flesh? In that place I yielded, I surrendered to the temptation of loving a body within my own Body for who can hate his own flesh?

Just as you, passionately, with throbbing pulse, cross over temptation's boundary, so, too, have I crossed over the boundary of the flesh with a quivering heart, fully conscious of the danger. I dared to enter the body of my Church, the deadly body which you are. For the spirit is mortal only within its own body. And so, from now on, we are no longer two but, together, only one flesh which loves itself and which struggles and wages battle with itself even to the point of death. For your sake I became weak, since I could experience your being only in weakness.

No wonder you realized your advantage over me and took my nakedness by storm! But I have defeated you through weakness and my Spirit has overpowered my unruly and recalcitrant flesh. Never has woman made more desperate resistance! In order to put a seal on my victory and exploit my triumph, I have engraved a mark upon you, O my flesh: on your carnal weakness I have engraved the mark of my own carnal weakness, and on your sin the mark of my love. Never again will your sinful battle against me be anything other than the long wrestling of love.

This is the meaning I confer upon it, and now it can have no other meaning. Precisely because you, O wretched one, knowingly sin against love, precisely for that reason is your sin enfolded by my love. And because I, who am at once Spirit and Love, am myself the battlefield between God and the world, the battle is already and eternally won in me. Do what you will, you remain the captive of love. I raised you up, wild one, when you were struggling and weltering in your own blood.

I have washed you in the bath of my Blood, in the water-bath of my baptism and in the Word of Life, and I have fashioned for myself a glorious Church, without blemish or wrinkle, holy and unspotted. You may behave like a wanton courtesan and daily betray me with another: still, you will never be what you in this way pretend to be. For all eternity you are my pure Body and my chaste Spouse. I am going to clothe your disgrace with such holiness that the aroma of your garments will fill the whole earth, and no one will be able to deny that he has really and bodily sensed your fragrance.

The insults which you are preparing for me will not be as great as the disgrace that I will bestow upon you from the treasury of my Cross. The mockery they will pile upon you will be nothing compared with the mockery I will entrust to you as my precious gift and my priceless wedding present, taken from the storehouse of my divine sufferings. The inglorious weakness with which, in this century of collapse, you stand before the world unable to transform it: this weakness is already a part of the mystery of my own inglorious weakness, for when was I ever strong enough to renew the face of this exterior world?


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Thus, it is my will to give you a worth which does not properly belong to you, and to fashion you solely from the might of my heart, as Eve was fashioned from Adam's rib. The source of your life, O Church, is both a demand and a promise. Live not from yourself: live solely in me and from me.

Think of yourself no longer as of the one you used to be. You ought, in this way, to be my Bride and my Body, and it is my will to redeem the whole world in you, exclusively in you. Be my handmaid. Renounce your will and nestle, like Ruth, at my feet. Become obedient even to death. Be for the world my embodied obedience, shown forth visibly and sensibly throughout all ages. Be so obedient that to say "Church" will be to say "obedience"; for redemption is found in obedience, and whoever proclaims me must depict my obedience even to the death on the cross. Thus it is that I want to exalt you to be Queen of the World, and all peoples and ages will have to bow before you.

You, however, yourself obeying, are to exact obedience in my name, for it is my will to rule the world in none other than you, and in no other body but yours does my Heart throb. This is the demand and this the promise. Bind yourself to me so irrevocably that I will be able to descend to hell with you; and then I will bind you to myself so irrevocably that, with me, you will be able to ascend to very heaven.

Empty yourself out into me so completely that I can fill you with myself. Where I am, there you too are to be. What I do, that are you to do in me. So it is that I wish to teach you my obedience: a blind obedience leading you to abandon your every insight, your every love, your every faith, and through this obedience they will recognize who has my Spirit and who belongs to my Body. But this obedience will be but the pledge of my love for you and of your love for me, and in the midst of your slavish service you will experience the freedom of the children of God coming upon you like the ray of a light from above.

You will experience how greatly servitude follows the coercion of love. In all of this you will fare as I did when I, by being my Father's slave, was only bound the more intimately to his love, and every creaturely distance from my Father revealed itself as a means and a detour and a more cunning ruse leading towards unification. I now repeat with you the same game which the Father played with me. I dismiss you, out into the world; I leave you behind on earth, widowed, only in order to unite myself to you from heaven in a more interior, more spiritual, more divine manner.

I leave you as if bereft of soul in the grave of the world, with your spirit wandering among the shades of the underworld, only to deliver you from death suddenly, abruptly, thus again proving to the world that you live and that I live in you. For your existence in the world is an incessant miracle, and no one can ignore the fact that you drink from an alien spring, that a table other than theirs nourishes you.

And so, in spite of everything, you will be my sign among the nations. To them you will remain a very implausible thing, so much so that they will daily prophesy your death. And you will indeed die after a fashion. I have died once, and only once does my Body, my Church, pass over from death to life.